post from Carmelia Ray
You’ve noticed a growing feeling of discomfort. As wonderful as this man seems to be, you’re starting to see some things that bring up questions. You wonder, “Is he open to a relationship or am I wasting my time with a player?”
There’s nothing wrong with casual dating– as long as it’s what both of you are looking for.
When you’re hoping dates with the right guy will turn into a committed relationship, being with someone who is only interested in having a good time will inevitably lead to disappointment and emotional pain for you.
A “womanizer” is generally thought to be a heterosexual guy who wants nothing to do with commitment. His goal is to have fun and with as many women as he’s able to be with. It’s a strong word with negative connotations.
Not all “womanizers” are insensitive jerks who care nothing about the feelings of the women they date or sleep with. Some guys (and women too) simply crave freedom. The important thing is for you to know what YOU are looking for in a potential relationship and to be aware of the messages your date is giving you.
Is he open to the kind of dating or relationship situation you want? If not, then it’s probably best for you both to go your separate ways. You’re unlikely to “reform” him and it’s going to be frustrating and possibly heartbreaking if you try.
Watch for these signs that your guy could be a womanizer…
1. He’s evasive.
When your date is consistently more interested in your past than in talking about his, this could mean he’s keeping secrets. Perhaps there are valid reasons why he’s avoiding your curiosity about his background (past and present), but it might be because he’s hiding certain aspects of his life that you need to know.
2. He’s got a roving eye.
Just because your guy looks at other women, it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s a womanizer. Acknowledge it if your jealousy is causing you to misinterpret his innocent gaze at other women. But if you see that he’s looking too long and/or inappropriately at other women, this could mean that he’s keeping his options open.
3. He’s quick to make a promise.
When there’s no thought and little consideration of your invitation or request and he gives an instant “yes,” beware. It could be that your date is eager and available or it could be he’s just telling you what you want to hear to keep up a facade.
4. He’s quick to break a promise.
Watch what happens after your date makes a promise. Does he usually keep his word and follow through or is he heavy on the excuses about why he let you down? Again. When your guy breaks even “little” and seemingly unimportant promises, this erodes trust and it can mean that he doesn’t honor what you two have together as much as you do.
5. He’s often MIA.
Are there significant gaps in time when you don’t have clue where he is or what he’s doing? This might mean he’s spending a lot of time with other women. Please remember, if you two are casually dating, there’s nothing necessarily wrong with each of you going about your individual lives without having constant contact. To hover over him or to call and text him repeatedly (without his response) will drive him away from you. It’s smothering. But do recognize it if his pattern is to disappear with no word for stretches of time and then pretend as if nothing odd occurred.
6. He’s busy with a lot of “friends.”
Is his phone constantly buzzing with texts from other women whom he claims are “just friends?” Pay attention to what happens when he gets calls or texts from his women “friends.” Does he interrupt a conversation with you to answer? Does he leave the room for privacy when responding? Do other women contact him at odd hours– like the middle of the night? Your observations can clue you in about whether or not his “friends” are actually something more.
Especially in the early stages of a relationship, there’s plenty of room for misunderstanding and confusion. Don’t jump to conclusions and accuse your date of being a womanizer just because you think he fits one (or more) of these signs. Instead, use this list as as wake up call. Watch for information about him and from him that will tell you more. Then decide whether it’s wise for you to keep seeing him or to move on.
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