written by Carmelia Ray
Going through a separation is challenging for most people. Here are the Top 3 tips for dating after separation which will help you become a successful dater! This list comes from thousands of singles who’ve shared their personal stories with me about what they liked and disliked about dating after separation.
Don’t talk about your separation on your dates.
While it’s probably inevitable the topic may come up in your conversation, it’s best NOT to share all the gory details of your separation. I would definitely never volunteer information about it and if your date expresses some curiosity over why you are single, the simplest and easiest response to a question like that is to politely let your date know that “It’s over” or “That’s in the past, let’s talk about something else”. This isn’t meant to be rude, but it does send the message that your “ex” is really not part of the conversation and if they are continually probing for whatever the reason keep out the “details” and continue with the obvious in that you are over it and leave it as “irreconcilable differences”. Speaking negatively about your last relationship does not put you in a good light, and you could definitely be pegged as being “bitter”. You should know what important coffee date tips are on a first date as well. It’s important that you remain respectful about your ex, even if you can’t stand him/her. While you are “dating” someone new, you don’t want to leave any impression that you are still harboring intense feelings good or bad, because it’s a warning sign for most that you may not be “ready”.
Seek Help If You Need It
Many singles I’ve talked to shared they sought professional help in order to deal with the emotional loss and loneliness of being alone for the first time in a long time. Often there are many feelings of guilt, blame, depression, anger, and frustration. For some, these emotions are too difficult to handle. Before you start dating after separation you want to make sure that you are in a good space mentally and emotionally before inviting someone new into your life. The help you seek may be a psychiatrist, a good friend, a lawyer, your pastor, therapist, or a family member. What’s important is that you GET help and you use whatever resources are available to you to address your concerns and issues about your separation so you can move forward.
Get a make over.
Dating after separation is a big change for many people. It’s also a great time to look in the mirror and make some physical changes to compliment your new lifestyle! It can be as simple as a new hair style or color. It can be as significant as cosmetic surgery. You are going to start dating so you are now in the “attraction” game. Many women will get a complete make over, because in their minds they are “starting over” and getting rid of the “old” shell and getting prepared for the “new” look and person. You will find yourself going through a transformation on many levels and updating your look is a great way to boost your confidence as well. For the guys, you may want to take one of your stylish girlfriends or guy friends out to help you pick out some new clothes and shoes! Get a hair cut! Trim your beard, get a beard comb, or get rid of that slogan T-shirt your partner hated you wearing or those favorite pair of ratty sneakers that left an odor in the front hallway closet. I would even hire a personal stylist or image consultant if you just have no clue and no one that comes to mind that can help you in those areas. There also isn’t a better time to get on a health kick and set a game plan for the 20+ pounds you’ve always wanted to lose. Maybe you want to quit smoking and start going to the gym. Some people find that they have a lot more freedom being on their own and can focus on themselves to do some of the things that they haven’t had the time to do in the past. It’s a great time to rid yourself of excuses and start paying attention to YOU and what you want. When you feel great about yourself, you build your confidence which is an attractive quality to have.
