In our previous case file, our exhibits had some major offenses in style, color, sensibility, and common sense. Today, we have some more offenses stemming from common sense, now into the realm of color, rips, eyebrows, and other nonsensical fashion madness. Examine our findings:
Exhibit A
- Where’s Wanda?
Everyone loves to standout. Unfortunately, this getup attracts the wrong type attention. Throw those deuces up miss and celebrate miss, because you’ve won an all expense paid trip to fashion jail!
Offense: …Stripes, Revealing Way Too Much
Sentence: 5 Years
Exhibit B
- Sitting on Some Ginsu Knives
Some people should not have access to scissors and jeans. A picture with your tush hanging out the bottom of your pants means one of these said persons is you.
Offense: Indecent Exposure, Unnecessary Ripping
Sentence: 15 years
Exhibit C
- Running With HeelSneakers…like riding a bike
Mutilating sneakers is one thing. Mutilating Jordans is another. Combining Jordans and heels, and mutilating them both? Run, do not pass Go, and don’t collect $200. Go Directly to JAIL…
Offenses: Freshness Fabrication, Diva Delusion, Indecent Exposure, Sightly Manslaughter
Sentence: 25 years to life
Exhibit D
- Hike up that…skirt-leggings…thing…
Um…I have no clue what to think here. Its like a train wreck because it starts out intriguing, and the more you look the worse it gets. Somehow though, you can’t turn away…
Offenses: Urkelization, Stylistic Confusion
Sentence: 15 Years
Exhibit E
- Laser Blue Chicken
I’d like to thank my stylist for making me look like a neon blue chicken, and the red carpet for stopping me and thinking that I was setting a new trend. SMH.
Offense: Fantastic Feathering
Sentence: 15 Years
Exhibit F
- Stencil me, gurrl…
Hoop Earrings, Check. Make up, Check. Gold Fronts, Check. Blond Weave and/or Hair Dye, Check.
Stencil, Check. Spray Paint, Check.
Offenses: Diva Delusion, Fashion Mischief, No Eyebrows
Sentence: 25 Years to Life
Exhibit G
- And now our feature presentation…
We present Bad Fashion, starring our nameless offender, and produced and directed by her wacky artistic stylist. HollywoodNews.net called it “a free form of expression and beauty” and ” an artistic feast for the eye”. Fuzionmag.com says “Close the curtain on this fashion fiasco!” Getty Images raves “***1/2!”
We say:
Offenses: Drapery, Diva Delusion, Stylistic Confusion, Mix and Match Mischief (a Fashion Felony)
Sentence: 15 years to Life (including the felony)
That is the conclusion of today’s evidence presentation.
Remember, all suspects are innocent until proven guilty in the court of fashion law.
