What do Men Want in Women?

written by Carmelia Ray

This is a question I’m often asked by thousands of women! What DO men want?

I have interviewed thousands of men and although the specific qualities that men look for on an individual basis can vary immensely, there are always some very important traits that seems to appeal to all men. The results are a lot different compared to what women really want in a man. There are literally hundreds of personality traits and qualities that can be used to describe what a man is looking for. When men look for a long-term partner they have to consider basic compatibility on key areas in their life such as sex, religion, kids, finances, family and education. There are obvious deal breakers for some men which include if someone is a smoker or non-smoker, has pets, has kids, drinks, lives alone, height. In fact anything can be a deal breaker for anyone at anytime. It’s really all about personal preferences and what you are willing to accept and what you are not. So back to the burning questions: “What do men want in women?” I’ve collected just a few of the most common responses I’ve received when asking men this very question as a match making industry expert. What are you looking for in the “ideal” person?

“I want a woman who takes care of herself”

In my mind this phrase summarizes many things that a man is wanting from his woman. Taking care of herself often means she prides herself in her appearance. She hasn’t “let herself go”. This is a hug turn off to men and a big reason why many of the men I’ve spoken to are single. They lost the “attraction” to the person they were with, because she no longer took interest or cared about her physical appearance. It often indicates a woman is not concerned with how the man in her life is viewing her and becomes even less desirable because her self-esteem may be in question. Insecurity and neediness are the things that most men RUN from! Bottom line: Men want their women to look great!

“I want a woman who knows what she wants”

This phrase can be taken in many contexts. When men describe some of their past relationships and ex-girlfriends it seems some of the reasons for the failed relationship is that “she didn’t know what she wanted”. She needed to “find herself”. Many women are far too emotional and seem like emotional basket cases. No man LIKES a moody person with multiple personalities depending on which side of the bed they woke up on. Many men have expressed their distaste for women that bounce from career to career not knowing WHAT she wants. Mostly this is expressed in complaining and whining; which is also a big turn off to men. Men can’t solve a problem when it lies within her.

“I want a woman who enjoys sex”

I don’t think this phrase requires much elaboration. Men are driven physically. Men bond physically with women as a form of expression. Have you ever heard the phrase that “Men want a lady on the street but a freak in the sheets”? This is true. The ideal sex partner is willing to do and try anything once, be available on command, be extremely vocal and likely have a bit of a pornographic like quality when it comes to sex and love-making. Men also appreciate women that are vocal in bed and tell them what they want. You can almost hear “camera, lights, ACTION in the background! That’s enough to get any man excited if he knows he has a woman who truly enjoys sex and sex with him! Men most feel connected with a woman through sexual expression, and most men want to express themselves often!

“I want a woman who will laugh at my jokes”

A woman who will laugh at a man’s jokes, even when they’re bad is a true keeper! This statement implies that men also want a woman who is supportive. Having a good woman, is a woman who will stand beside her man and have his back. A man wants a woman who understands him and does not put him down. Men like the encouragement that women give them particularly when it comes to their career or things of importance. They also want to hear phrases like “You can do it baby”. Men like their ego boosted and many men have large ego’s that need to be fed. So learn to feed that ego. Laugh at his jokes and tell him he’s the greatest thing in the planet at whatever he’s good at or striving for, and you will make any man happy!

written by Carmelia Ray

“I want a woman who has her own life”

Men are attracted to women that have their own interests. Men are very attracted to a woman that has self-confidence. A woman with her own interests and friends, means opportunity for the man to have HIS own interests and friends. As soon as a woman starts to become a nag and starts to ask questions like “where are you going?” and “who are you going with?” and “what time will you be home Or “why do you have to have a boys night anyways?”, she becomes the type of person that he doesn’t want to be with. Men NEED their private time and time to do men things with other men. Any woman that tries to take away or infringe on this basic freedom will certainly not be the type of woman he will want to spend the rest of his life with, or possibly even the next date!


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