Fuzion Fashion Five-O Case File #2: Ripped, Striped and Feathered

In our previous case file, our exhibits had some major offenses in style, color, sensibility, and common sense. Today, we have some more offenses stemming from common sense, now into the realm of color, rips, eyebrows,  and other nonsensical fashion madness. Examine our findings:

Exhibit A

Where’s Wanda?

Everyone loves to standout. Unfortunately, this getup attracts the wrong type attention. Throw those deuces up miss and celebrate miss, because you’ve won an all expense paid trip to fashion jail!

Offense: …Stripes, Revealing Way Too Much

Sentence: 5 Years

Exhibit B

Sitting on Some Ginsu Knives

Some people should not have access to scissors and jeans. A picture with your tush hanging out the bottom of your pants means one of these said persons is you.

Offense: Indecent Exposure, Unnecessary Ripping

Sentence: 15 years

Exhibit C

Running With HeelSneakers…like riding a bike

Mutilating sneakers is one thing. Mutilating Jordans is another. Combining Jordans and heels, and mutilating them both? Run, do not pass Go, and don’t collect $200. Go Directly to JAIL…

Offenses: Freshness Fabrication, Diva Delusion, Indecent Exposure, Sightly Manslaughter

Sentence: 25 years to life

Exhibit D

Hike up that…skirt-leggings…thing…

Um…I have no clue what to think here. Its like a train wreck because it starts out intriguing, and the more you look the worse it gets. Somehow though, you can’t turn away…

Offenses: Urkelization, Stylistic Confusion

Sentence: 15 Years

Exhibit E

Laser Blue Chicken

I’d like to thank my stylist for making me look like a neon blue chicken, and the red carpet for stopping me and thinking that I was setting a new trend. SMH.

Offense: Fantastic Feathering

Sentence: 15 Years

Exhibit F

Stencil me, gurrl…

 Hoop Earrings, Check. Make up, Check. Gold Fronts, Check. Blond Weave and/or Hair Dye, Check.

Stencil, Check. Spray Paint, Check.

Offenses: Diva Delusion, Fashion Mischief, No Eyebrows

Sentence: 25 Years to Life

Exhibit G

And now our feature presentation…

 We present Bad Fashion, starring our nameless offender, and produced and directed by her wacky artistic stylist. HollywoodNews.net called it “a free form of expression and beauty” and ” an artistic feast for the eye”. Fuzionmag.com says “Close the curtain on this fashion fiasco!” Getty Images  raves “***1/2!”

We say:

Offenses: Drapery, Diva Delusion, Stylistic Confusion, Mix and Match Mischief (a Fashion Felony)

Sentence: 15 years to Life (including the felony)

That is the conclusion of today’s evidence presentation.

Remember, all suspects are innocent until proven guilty in the court of fashion law.

We need your help! If you spot any potential offenders anywhere, do not hesitate to send photographic evidence to [email protected]. Any information leading to the arrest and apprehension of these individuals by Fuzion Fashion 5-0 will be greatly appreciated. Your name will be kept confidential. You don’t have to put up with these fashion fails any longer. Thank you and happy searching!


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